Prax 10

- all the events going on inside me are jumbled up together

- they happen very fast

- I talk to myself inside my head.

Then I practised Constancy for years . . . . . . . .

When I got into the stride of watching what was going on inside

I noticed these 7 aspects . . . . .

(1) . . . . I can make thoughts

For example, I can decide to think about an apple

it's a green apple

if I close my eyes, I can visualise it.

(2) . . . .Thoughts happen spontaneously

Without intending it, I find myself thinking of a red apple

I can visualise it

but I did not "make" this thought

it was suddenly, just "there".

(3) . . . .I can choose to remember

I decide to remember an apple I ate yesterday

I can visualise it

I can replay the act of eating it, "seeing" the action

or, I can tell myself, "I ate an apple yesterday"

(4) . . . .I remember without choosing

I remember , when I was 8 or 9

taking an apple from a neighbour's tree

I can "see" myself doing it, and "see" my Dad

telling me off. Choosing to remember something

has triggered another memory, a memory which

I did not choose.

then, I tried to create a feeling . . . .but I cannot do it !

I use memory to try and make a feeling.

I remember feeling sad about something last week;

although I can remember sadness, I no longer feel sad.

I remember something that happened at work yesterday

and I am angry again. But I have not "made" the anger, like

I made the thought about the green apple. the event at

work happened yesterday, but my anger is fresh. I am not

"re-feeling" yesterday's anger. I am angry now!

(5) . . . feelings arrive

Feeling uncomfortable and not wanting to feel anger

anymore I decide to stop feeling - and cannot do it. I

cannot just switch off a feeling or bundle of feelings just

because I want to. I distract myself by watching television.

after a while, the feelings fade away.

(6) . . . .I daydream

Sitting in front of the television, I almost fall asleep,

I have a reverie, in which I get the better of people at

work, then somehow we are all playing football . . . .

(7) . . . . I dream

I go to bed and dream about a football the size of a house

I can't kick it, so I go inside and eat some toast.

Seven aspects, or types of events that happen inside me.

I decided to call these the " 7 wires ".

1 -.. I make thoughts

2 - .thoughts happen spontaneously

3 - .I choose to remember

4 - .. memories arrive without my choosing

5 - .feelings just arrive

6 - .I daydream

7 - .I dream

Sometimes, 2 or 3 happen at once (though thinking and dreaming

together is unusual, thinking and daydreaming is not).

Sometimes they happen separately

sometimes they happen very fast,

sometimes slow.

I noticed that I talk to myself, inside my head.

The voice is "my" voice, I make it happen.

This voice uses regular words and sentences. It is

the voice that "reads", I am aware of it as I read.

This voice seems at first, to be part of number 1 above,

"I make thoughts", because I do not have a sense of

the voice just happening, or just arriving, like a feeling

arrives. But when I tried to stop talking to myself, I found

it very hard to do. One thing was clear, the voice was a

thought. I might "say" something that evokes a feeling,

or a memory. But the voice itself is thought.

Don't try and stop your internal voice !

With constancy, the effort is put into watching, not controlling. just

watch the internal voice. It will get quiet eventually without you having

to do anything. If you are feeling peaceful and your voice won't shut up,

don't get angry with it. Try and be tolerant and just watch it along with

anything else that is going on . . . . . . .

Just watch what's happening . . . . . . .